Not Just Another Comedy Act
by Sesshomaru-Sara
Summary: Is it possible to be perfect? Because I know you are. [KisaIta OOCing Yaoi MM MPreg Language Oneshot!]


Lolzzzzz. My first actual KisaIta fic! Hooray! But this one is just so stupid and pointless and something I just needed to get out because I'm so fucking BORED all the time DDDD: So...OOC Itachi, of course, and don't EVER take the possibility of MPreg out of consideration, fools. Because even though I know it's impossible at this point in time, I can still dream! So shut up, you flamers. KisaIta loving, please. I can't help with the angst...It always gets me in the end...Enjoy, yeah?

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First, it was to the front. His slender fingers danced over stretched flesh intimately, caressing the light purple and red lines crawling up his hips. He swiftly turned profile, seeing just how big it really was in the mirror's reflection. His eyes flashed with emotions that I could not even think of catching, and he placed a pale hand over the bump of his stomach.

Like this, he looked all too much like an actual woman.

"Really...Must you keep looking at it all the time? It's been almost half an hour," I groaned as I slipped my cheek from my fist, having my elbow propping me up, and fell backwards onto the bed. He turned to me silently, letting out a feminine hiss that was more as a cat than a snake. He jerked his head away from me to continue his observations of himself.

"...Do you feel bad?"

He didn't turn to me, but I just barely caught the shifting of his eyes in my direction.

"Of course I do," he muttered, rubbing his stomach slowly. I stared at the ceiling.

"No, I mean about me."

This time, he didn't turn, he didn't glance, he didn't move. Like if he reacted the wrong way, he would explode. So silence fell on us like a ton of bricks.

"...I see..." my eyes narrowed. I already knew he wasn't going to say anything to me, so I wasn't that upset.

"No..."

I looked over at him to see him opposite the mirror, rubbing his arm in a manner that was foreign to his usual attitude towards everything.

"...I'm not feeling bad because of you..."

I blinked at him, my wrists crossing behind my head in a casual boney pillow.

"...Well this isn't very much like you."

He was on me in a second, his legs on either side of my hips straddling me. His eyes were their usual narrowness and their familiar tint of red.

"Because you made me this way!" he cried. I blinked again, this time with both eyebrows raised in surprise.

Was this really the man I love?

Or is all this change my fault, as he says?

"...How is this my fault, per say?"

He leaned down angrily to rub his plump stomach against my toned abs. I shivered at the contact, and put my hands up in defeat.

"Okay, okay, I know. My fault...But it's also YOUR fault for going with me."

"You KNOW I can't back down!" he growled through clenched teeth. I smiled toothily at him, bringing my hands up to trace the defined lines under his eyes.

"I know, darling, I know."

He hissed like the minx he was again, and it made me chuckle out a "just kidding".

We remained quite for a long while, him still seated on my hips and I lying back against the plush bed. I looked at him, and he looked away. I smiled again.

"...I had never thought you'd be the jealous type..."

He slapped my upside the head, and I only laughed harder at his riled self.

"That girl was an old partner, you fool."

"And that's why you were kissing her!"

I laughed again.

So? You're the one who snuck into the party, turned yourself into some jutsu-enforced busty broad, and plastered your hands all over me! Were you not expecting me to take you into that broom closet and fuck the life out of you? You were the one with the consent, remember?

I laughed even louder at that, and him not knowing why, slapped me again. It stung only lightly, so I took no mind. He didn't mean it as a threat anyway. He was just angry.

"I don't see what's so fucking funny about it! Does this look funny to you!"

He jabbed at his stomach with a fine finger angrily. I just couldn't help laughing anymore.

Well YOU'RE the one who transformed your prostate into a uterus, fool! How am I NOT supposed to laugh?

At the sight of not being taken seriously for the first time in his life, he froze any action he was preoccupied with, pursed his lips, and threw his legs off me, proceeding to run away.

"Oh, come here, doll," I sat up and pulled him back down, flipping us on the bed. He kicked and squirmed and bit as I held him down to the sheets and pillows.

"LET GO OF ME!" he yelled between bites and pants. I lightly shook my head, and leaned in for a kiss, but his palms forced my face away, having a lot of force for someone smaller than me.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" He kicked out at my thigh, and I grunted at the now growing bruise. I snarled, lifted him only lightly, and then threw him back down with as much force as I could muster to hold him down.

"STOP IT!"

His eyes had never been wider, as I looked down at them. The red was gone, leaving a pained midnight in its stead. He wasn't fighting anymore; he was just lying there as if paralyzed. I had never seen Itachi so emotional before, so active and predictable. Ever since we did it, he hasn't been the same. His ebony hair was splayed out over the fluffy pillow, and his eyes were still wide with feelings unknown.

"...Itachi?"

With the sound of his name being whispered in concern, he began to meekly fight against those hands crushing his shoulders to the bed.

"...Get off..." the sound of his defeated voice made me cringe. I had never heard him so pitiful, so beaten. What the hell was this baby DOING to him!

I didn't let go, and I was rewarded with a glare that could melt anyone else in a sheer second. But I still didn't move.

"Do you still think this is funny? Are you going to keep laughing at me still? Am I going to have to ACTUALLY listen to you laugh in my face every day of my fucking life now?"

He was beyond a doubt upset with everything. Me, mainly, this baby, the world in general... The list could go on forever. But at the top...That was reserved for me and me alone.

"I'm not going to laugh anymore, I promise," I admitted quietly. Yelling any more would only miff this womanly Itachi under me. His narrow eyes burned my skin with their glaring hatred. Everything held in those eyes told me "I hate you"

"You laugh at everything. I can't take that promise seriously," he was actually growling now, a low ripple emitting from his diaphragm.

"...Trust me. I won't." His eyes questioned, but I just smiled widely.

"You're smiling," he pointed out.

"Duh. That's all I ever do when I'm around you," trying my best to lighten the mood, I was willing to degrade myself to a caring-lover level and nip at his ear. His shoulders shrugged up in discomfort and pleasure at the same time, and I only smiled wider. His eyes shifted, and I realized his eyes were bleeding quickly into red...Um, not a good sign.

"Enough. It's empty, and I don't need this. So get the fuck off before you regret ever looking my direction."

I had to take him seriously at this point. Don't EVER ignore his threats when they involve his godforsaken eyes. I stood up quickly in defeat, and he slowly heaved himself to a sitting position, which he didn't stay in long before throwing his legs off the side of the bed and stalking to the door. He grabbed his coat and wrenched the door open, and right then, I realized he hated me as much as a person could hate, maybe even more. I quickly stepped over to him, about to keep him from escaping, but I saw those tomoe swirling, swiftly holding my hand to my eyes. I knew what to do when he got angry.

"...Don't MESS WITH ME," he ground out. I didn't answer, and I didn't drop my hand. When I heard his shoes clack as they shuffled down the hall to go outside into the snow, I carelessly threw my coat over my shoulders and raced out to catch him.

When I first got outside, my eyes hurt from the pure white of snow still falling. I rubbed them, quickly trying to take control of the situation before blindly running off. But I didn't need to get far, because I saw his small body crouching lowly near a playground infested with little kids. The kids stole glances at him, but only one had Itachi's full attention. A little boy with the same hair as him, and eyes a coal black. Itachi was about the same height as the little boy in his scrunched crouching form, and the boy was giving Itachi the same eyes he was receiving; Curiosity. I stood silently behind Itachi, wondering what was going through his head as he interacted with this little boy. Finally, the little boy opened his mouth to speak, but with one look to me, he whispered into Itachi's ear. Itachi glanced at me with a glare, but he was smiling, and that smile was all but happy.

"...Yep. He's supposed to be my stupid lover, but he isn't doing a very good job," he hissed out in a laughing tone. The little Itachi-clone of a kid stuck his pink tongue out at me, grinned, and whispered to Itachi too. I scowled. Fuck, I wish I could hear what he was saying. Little bastard is just LIKE Itachi, him and his conniving little grin and those evil eyes.

No wonder Itachi immediately bonded with the little fool.

"...Yeah...I hope it looks like me too."

They shared a very bright and evil-looking grin, and I suddenly didn't care what they were talking about. I could already guess, but that was beside the point.

Itachi was already so good with this.

...What about me?

I'd scare the fuck out of it.

And Itachi was just so...Perfect.

Absolutely perfect in every way possible.

...And what was I?

Undeserving.

I suddenly tugged at the collar of his coat, and with a quick glance to me, he ruffled the mini-Itachi's hair and stood. The boy waved childishly, as he was, before running off to his mother who had a face that told me he was about to be scolded for talking to a stranger look-alike.

I pulled him along rather violently, holding his arm tight. He struggled roughly against me and after a while, he slapped my arm with little force.

"What the fuck! Let go already!" he cried out angrily before I forced him to the nearest tree. That same look fell upon his face I forced him down in a position he couldn't handle with his current condition, the feeling of helplessness overpowering. I leaned in, and I guess you would have called him scared, but this Itachi we are talking about. And even with these unwanted emotions playing back and forth, he could never be called scared. But I can be.

"I don't _deserve _you," I hoarsely whispered to him. He looked at me with eyes I couldn't describe. They weren't narrow, they weren't wide. They had their own category. But the surprise made me rethink things. His fragile feminine wrists were held almost painfully tight in my big grey-blue hands, and I shook them lightly to get my point further across. "You are so _perfect_."

A feather-light feeling of weakness fell over me, getting heavier and heavier as the silence killed me. I smiled to myself. 'He can't say anything because he knows he's perfect.'

"_...No one can be perfect..."_

His voice was soft to my ears, letting his tone trail shivers down my spine. My hands had lost their grip on him, and he only retaliated with long arms hanging over my shoulders, his pale face up to mine. His breath smelled like cinnamon and at the same time, caramel, a scent I wanted to be enveloped in forever. His lips touched my own in a kind gesture of reassurance. "_...Not even the person who loves you this much...Be perfect. Even in your eyes..._"

His words were knocking so much sense into me, I wasn't even responding to his ministrations. His purple fingernails lightly trailed themselves down the nape of my neck, while his rosy lips continuously pecked at my lips with a barely noticeable lightness. My hands fell to the side as I let Itachi do what he wanted. My head fell forward in a silent defeated gesture, being beaten thoroughly by my thoughts. He only tried harder to get me to respond, using his tongue to lightly tap my closed mouth. After a long pause, I opened for him and he delved inside without a word, quietly losing himself to me. His bulging stomach pressed against my taught muscular one, letting the contact bring me from my beaten state. I encircled his hips with my big hands, squeezing lightly as I leaned over him to take control. He had no protest, just a small whimper of a moan when he hit the tree again, this time lightly. I leaned away to give him some much needed space as he panted. But he only leaned forward to hug my neck, his face pushed into my groove of a collarbone.

"...Are you trying to be a nice guy?"

I grinned toothily, kissing his ear.

"_...Like always..._"


End file.
